I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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