Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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