Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
