How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Small penises have feelings too.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
