I cockslap morals
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
