So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
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How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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