Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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