Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
