did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
