Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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