I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
