highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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