i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
