Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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