I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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