somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.