remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
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Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week