i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
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Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?