saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?