you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.