I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
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