Jerry, you need to find god
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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