im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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