Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.