I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
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Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.