well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.