You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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