shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
