We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
