couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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