i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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