No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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