The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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