You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
