Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
