totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
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