Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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