I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
