Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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