On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
