I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I should be sponsored by Trojan
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
