I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
