I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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