I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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