dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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