just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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