Already got asked if we're dating
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
