You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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