I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
