No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.