If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again