You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...