For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME