1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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