u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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