just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize