So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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