1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
