Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
