It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
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Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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