All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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