hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My room smells like vodka and shame
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
