He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Congratulations! We have a period
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
