Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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