I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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