he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
