You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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