We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
nutella sex= disaster
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
