I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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