Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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