I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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